It’s grocery stores for me...I’m not sure when it started but the number of times I have walked the aisles with tears streaming down my face are too numerous to count. As I slowly push my cart, head down, hoping no one is seeing my emotional display I can’t help but notice the mothers that have their sweet babies trailing behind. I watch as they pick out school snacks, favorite breakfast cereals, asking for input, “Which chips do you think daddy would like best?” And my heart breaks a little more with every aisle I turn down. Being a wife and mother is the one thing I have longed for the longest. It’s the one thing I’ve cried the hardest over. It’s the one question that I just want the answer to. Why? Why hasn’t this happened for me? Didn’t you create me for this? Haven’t I done everything right? I was having one of these very raw, anger filled conversations with the Lord and when my rant was done, I heard Him whisper gently….
“Danielle, I do not promise you marriage. Where in my Word do I say ‘If you love and serve Me I will bless you with marriage’? I have eternal promises that are available to you right now and this is where I want you to focus your affection, I long for your attention to be here.” In that moment I was confronted with my own belief of God. Do I really believe that He is good? Do I really believe that He longs to bless my life with good things? If the answer is “yes” I have to trust that if being a wife or mom was the best thing for me right now, I would have it. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that after that revelation I never struggle. Every Mother’s Day that passes, every time I'm on social media and see that, yet another friend is engaged or pregnant, my heart aches, but I have learned that comparison robs me of joy. So I pray through the pain, and cling to what I know is truth; that He is good in ALL things. When I choose to invest in Biblical truth, He is faithful to provide me with peace and joy overflowing. It’s moments like these when the scripture, “I have come to give you life to the fullest” becomes my reality! I can honestly say that I am now living a life that feels SO full and rich in His constant love.