A Battle of Mind and Body: Jordan’s Story
“God knew what I needed and brought the right people…”
I'm Jordan. I'm a wife, mom, door holder at Passion City Church, runner, and, sometimes embarrassingly, a Disney Adult. We live in a cute little town called Doraville, and if you don't know where that is you can still use Atlanta via U.S.P.S. and it'll get to us. I will sometimes reference our town as a real life Stars Hollow, because Gilmore Girls is my all time favorite. I live with my husband of 10 years, our two kids who are the same age, but they are not twins, and our two senior Pit Bull mixes.
My story begins with growing up as an avid athlete. I started swimming just before I turned 8 years old and never looked back. It afforded me a scholarship to college and some incredibly opportunities to compete around the country. Following my swimming career, I jumped out of the pool and into running shoes to keep my endurance high. I loved competition and endurance athletics, but I was glad to be out of the water. Unfortunately, I was all too unfamiliar with competing at a high level without an army of support around me to keep me healthy from all angles.
About a year and a half into running at a fairly competitive level (I was 26) I had friends and family start questioning if I was ok. They knew I didn't look well, and it took me a while to see it but once I did I felt like I had nowhere to go.
I tried to work on things myself while still doing the activity that brought me so much joy and so many friendships. I remember there was a race I was slated to do at the end of April in Nashville, I ended up having to drop to half the distance. That’s when I knew things really weren't ok with the direction I was headed.
“That’s when I knew things really weren't ok with the direction I was headed.”
The emotional and mental toll of living with this kind of disorder was the most challenging part, you go from letting something you don't understand start to consume your mind and to identifying. This had a two-fold affect: there is relief in the clarity around it and it's hard to not let that become your identity and a label the Enemy tries to tag as part of who you are. The Enemy loves to try to tell you lies about who you are to distract you from whose you are and I felt this very deeply in this season. Eating disorders are consuming and the spiral can feel hopeless at moments.
But God, knew what I needed he brought the right people, the right professionals and softened my heart to truly getting to the bottom of not only my physical health but where I was mentally and emotionally. They brought accountability and practical steps and God's faithfulness was so apparent through so many ups and downs in that season. The journey has been long and some days the enemy still tries to grab that space yet again, but I have seen too much of Gods redemption story. Relationships, testimony, being able to carry our son to full term, it's all part of a beautiful redemption plan.
One moment that stands out was after I had come to the clarity of what I was dealing with, I hadn't told many people but I had a few close girlfriends I confided in. One evening a girl came up to me and told me how beautiful I looked since I had lost weight, I was so lost for words I hardly responded, but my friend came in and took over the conversation. She knew exactly what I needed. It wasn't a overly monumental moment, but letting people into the journey and allowing them to step into the gaps was huge in healing, on the opposite side I have now been able to walk with people through similar pain and that moment taught me how important listening and willingness to step in are in the healing.
For me, recovery isn’t complete but is a journey. Learning how to surrender the thoughts, create accountability, and put it in its appropriate box is key in not letting it consume you. Some seasons are easier than others, and you might have years where it doesn't creep in and then something hard happens or a big change occurs and the enemy tries to lift it up to a higher place in your mind. If it happens, do not fear, don't get anxious - know that God is very much in control and is holding your hand. Continue to surrender it to him and let him heal those places.
What would you tell someone who’s struggling with their own eating disorder?
If you find yourself struggling with something similar do not hesitate to ask for help. You might never know what relationships, conversations, and chains that might break by taking the first step. The second thing I'd tell you is to do the work. It's going to get uncomfortable and you will wrestle but the beauty of restoration is worth it tenfold.
While community was one of the biggest pieces of the puzzle, my therapists were just as valuable. I had a relational therapist as well as nutrition psychologist who broke down my fears and help me build from the basics.
My final note is: don't give up. God has got you and the work and the word of your testimony will truly create impact you might not even see this side of heaven.
