Walking Through Unwanted Divorce
“God is not in the business of leaving us in ruin.”
My name is Crystal Dalton and I was born and raised in Marietta, GA. In college, I attended the University of Georgia, got my degree in Interior Design, and have been practicing design for over 10+ years. I absolutely love what I do! I truly love getting to know my clients and enter into their lives and stories and make their dream homes become a reality. When I am not designing, I love to go running with my AussieDoodle Millie, bake, or read.
I never thought that I would be a Christian statistic of another failed marriage ending in divorce…
It was not how I was raised, not what I ever planned or imagined for my life. After all, my former husband and I were actively involved in ministry. We led teenagers through YoungLife and were very involved in bible studies and pouring our lives into others publicly at a small private Christian school in Atlanta – we couldn't be another couple that failed.
On the outside, you would have never known anything was wrong. For years I pleaded, begged, petitioned God for a rescue - for redemption.
I tried everything in my power to make things work
asking Christian leaders for help,
trying couples therapy,
praying,
reading so many books.
Fixing my marriage in a lot of ways become an idol in my life and through a variety of circumstances God revealed this to me. He also opened my eyes to the fact that what I had grown to accept as normal was in fact a very toxic and destructive marriage filled with abuse. I certainly had my part to play and had enabled a lot of bad behavior as a desire to rescue and prevent my then husband from facing consequences to his choices.
My parents had no idea the severity of what I had enduring for years until I showed up in the middle of the night, Labor Day weekend 2024, with my dog and a small suitcase of clothing.
Up to that point I had carried everything silently with only my therapist fully aware of my situation, which was increasingly becoming more and more volatile to the point where my safety was in jeopardy.
From that night I showed up on their doorstep on, I was completely shattered – I knew that the person that I had promised to love forever was someone that I could no longer have any contact with.
The next several months were a blur of tears, sleepless nights, fear, anxiety, just trying to survive and do the next right thing.
Everything that I knew was completely gone and flipped upside down, I no longer had the ministry that I loved, the Christian community I had devoted my life to, the church I attended, the house that I owned, or the person that I had lived life with for 10+ years.
Right after the initial separation I opened up to a couple of male Christian leaders and told them my whole story. Their response was that I needed to go back and that I needed try harder because my husband needed me.
Because of this interaction, outside of work, I completely withdrew and became fearful of leaving the house or running into people from my previous circles.
It confused me and made me feel like I was damaged beyond repair and that God would now want nothing to do with me because of the choice I was making to remove myself from a situation where I was just a shadow of myself and didn't know how much longer I would survive. I began to question everything about my life and my faith.
"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."
- Isaiah 43:19
Throughout the separation and eventual divorce process there were ebbs and flows where I felt God's nearness.
It wasn't something that happened all at once, but was more of a slow and gradual process. I think others were able to see God working in me more than I could, but now looking back I now see His faithfulness through encouragement from a trusted friends, scripture, devotionals, podcasts, and even worship music.
The biggest way that I saw Him show up was through relationships with people.
About five months after the separation, during the month where we had to go to court and I had to see my ex for the first time, he brought me a close friend. An industry professional randomly connected us and after politely declining an invitation for my husband to join us at a networking dinner, she picked up the phone and called me sharing that she had walked a similar path that I was now walking. She listened without judgement and prayed over me.
She and her husband invited me to attend church with them and for the first time in months I began worshiping in person and felt so much joy and freedom.
I also attended an event to support Katherine Wolf's MEND coffee shop, — where I blacked out and have no clue what I said while bursting into tears in front of complete strangers, but was met with love, and gentleness.
I could feel for the first time, that this is how God was loving me.
What would you tell someone going through something similar?
A failed marriage doesn’t make you a failure in God’s eyes. God is not in the business of leaving us in ruin. There is still so much good ahead for your life. Often what is intended for harm, God intends it for good and can use anything - through any circumstance or story to accomplish His purpose for His glory.
My Christian therapist was truly my lifeline throughout the past 10+ years, but especially during the separation and divorce process. I also had a trusted friend that was a year ahead of me journeying through an unwanted divorce herself and having someone that understood what I was going through was such a gift. God also intentionally placed a few other people in my life exactly when I needed them so I got to form a new really sweet community of people that were for me and that pointed me to truth and Jesus, especially on days when I was struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel or when I was triggered by circumstances.
I am still navigating the feelings of judgement and shame from the Christian community. Many who I walked with closely never checked in on me. Life isn't perfect, but I am navigating it and finding new places and new community to thrive in. I am still in process of putting the pieces of my life back together, but God is faithful and kind.
Recommended resources from Crystal:
“Therapy and Theology” // Podcast
Surviving an Unwanted Divorce by Lysa TerKeurst // Book
Treasures In The Dark by Katherine Wolf // Book
“Relationship Truth: Unfiltered” by Leslie Vernick // Podcast
